Lurking...

Jul. 29th, 2013 01:25 pm
sarah_sensei: Midna: LoZ Twilight Princess (Default)
[personal profile] sarah_sensei
I know my presence online the last month has been really limited. But I am lurking, and I do read posts and such when I have free time (which has been rather loosely defined these last few weeks).

I've had a really slow recovery here. It probably didn't help that I went through the physical trauma of having an almost vaginal birth and then a c-section on top of it. :p My mom likened it to me having the baby twice, because after 14 hours of labor, I pretty much wrecked my mid-section anyway. My mom was here the last 2 weeks helping with the baby, but she was also busy putting me back together. -_-; Because, let's be honest here... the baby is not the problem, it's my body which has been uncooperative in this whole situation.


Blues: It's ok, I'm fine.

So, this is pretty much what I felt like when I got home from the hospital.



I was a mess physically and emotionally the last few weeks. I was supposed to be on bed rest for the first week or so. Mother-in-law (MIL) did not help me relax the first 5 days, because I was constantly worried about what she was doing when I was supposed to be napping. Like for example, when the baby starts to choke while feeding, you would normally sit her upright, pat her on the back and help her catch her breath, right? Well, MIL's solution was to stroke the middle of her forehead with her thumb instead of... ya know... helping her try to cough the junk out?

It also didn't help that she would talk to the baby in Turkish and for all I know she could have been saying, "You love grandma better than you love mommy, right?" I mean, I guess that's being a bit paranoid... but I only know about 200 words in Turkish and there was about a 2-3 day period where I felt like I never got to hold my own baby :( Or when I was holding her, MIL would get in my personal space and try to interfere ... so, yeah call me paranoid if you want, but the woman kept joking about taking the baby away with her, and I started to get tired of the joke.

Knowing that she criticized everything my husband would try to do for the baby didn't help matters either. This led him to be more hands off, because she made him second-guess his own parenting abilities. I kinda need him to be hands on, here. He's only recently regained some of his confidence. (It took him 2 weeks to get over her nagging. She still nags him on Skype, telling him he's feeding the baby wrong 9_9 If he was feeding her wrong, the baby would let him know :p).


The good news is once I was rid of MIL, my mom stepped in and took time off work to help me with the baby and let me heal.



The Surgery: Kinda feels like the above picture sometimes. It's better now than it was 3.5 weeks ago obviously, but I still have a constant dull ache around my mid section and some abdominal swelling. I have been told it will take a good 6 weeks for me to feel more or less recovered. As for the incision itself, it is healing nicely and I think they did a pretty good job on it. It's really not all that big and I can totally live with the scar. But I'm still popping Tylenol like crazy (oh how I wish I could take aspirin, Tylenol sucks when it comes to inflammation).


My Bowels: This is probably where some of my more obnoxious physical ailments originated 9_9 I was totally constipated by the time I left the hospital. Instead of taking matters into my own hands, I let nature take its course (because, honestly, I wasn't sure if I was allowed to intervene. When I left the hospital, they only told me to take a stool softener and never said I could use any kind of laxatives). By the time I actually went (the night before my first follow-up appointment) I had put so much pressure on my nether regions that the following problem would be like a plague upon me... (btw, turned out it was perfectly acceptable for me to Fleet myself... thanks guys, you could have told me that 3-5 days ago).


The Hemorrhoids x_x;;; : OMG, you'd think I had stolen the Ark of the Covenant here. While I had minor troubles with them during my last trimester they were nothing like they were once I got home from the hospital. (btw, never had them before this so, this has been high on the list of least desirable pregnancy side effects). Because MIL basically had to be babysat herself, I did not rest at all the first 7 days I was home. So, between her and the constipation, I lost a week of recovery time and only made them worse >_<;;; By the time my mom arrived and started helping me treat them they were huge, painful and it felt like they were NEVER going to get better... They still aren't gone, but they are more manageable now... I'm guessing they will take another 1-2 weeks of healing.


The Hormones: After riding high on hormones the last 6 months or so, the whole hormone crash has not been pleasant. If this is a preview, I do not look forward to the transition into menopause x_x I had a lot of "cold flashes" where I would wake up and shake uncontrollably in the middle of the night despite it being summer. I started to overdress for the weather at night just to keep that under control. Fortunately, the hot and cold spells seem to have stopped.


The Depression: Yeah, the classic postpartum depression set in about the time I left the hospital. Some of it is hormonal, some of it is me working through all my own emotions about the whole ordeal. Although I try to be logical and practical about all the "disappointments" in the last few weeks, on some deep level I still feel an irrational sense of "failing" because I could not progress through labor normally. I also feel this way about not being able to properly breast feed her. I told my mom at one point, "It's as if my body was not really into this whole motherhood thing." This has been hard for me to work through. So, since I could feel myself slipping into a sort of weary robotic numbness, I decided to ask for some anti-depressants at my last follow up. They seemed to take the edge off and I feel more capable of taking care of my daughter now. My husband even said I'm finally acting more like my old self again. (Though, I'm also in significantly less pain now than I was 3-4 weeks ago soooo, I'm not going to give the Prozac too much credit here ;) )




So some of the good things:

- My daughter is gaining weight and has been really sweet.
- I lost most of the baby/water weight. I'm now down to 156 lbs. (I was 180 the last few weeks of the pregnancy).
- We went shopping together as a family for the first time this Saturday and she was really good.
- She will be one month old already this week.
- Her umbilical cord finally fell off and we gave her her first real bath.

Some of the not so good things:

- My poor little girl has had killer gas which really makes her uncomfortable. I had to watch her suffer for about 3-4 days before she turned 3 weeks old. (Once she was 3 weeks old we were given the ok by her doctor to give her simethocone drops which fixed the problem almost immediately).
- She has gotten into this weird habit of saving up all her poops for 2-3 days and then having one giant poop all at once. I don't mind the 4-diaper-alarm poops so much, as the constant worry that she might be constipated because she hasn't gone for a while. But her poops are soft, so she doesn't appear to have a problem and, apparently, it is considered "normal" for a newborn to only go once every 3-4 days.
- While instantly losing about 20 lbs. was encouraging, I seem to be stuck at 156 lbs. atm. :p But my mom said it wouldn't be fair to other women if I didn't struggle with a little weight ;) But, we'll see. I haven't exactly been exercising either since I have been largely on bed rest. I may lose some weight when I return to work.


So, that is pretty much all the stuff that has been going on. I'm still feeling as though I have no real free time, but perhaps that will change once she starts sleeping through the whole night. Unfortunately, that may not happen for another 2 months yet ^_^;

(no subject)

Date: 2013-07-31 08:20 pm (UTC)
wandererriha: Original Art by Me (Default)
From: [personal profile] wandererriha
Heh. I still say you two are closet Lutherans. ;}

As for the dreams, do eet!

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sarah_sensei: Midna: LoZ Twilight Princess (Default)
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