Hard Weekend
Mar. 27th, 2011 10:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sarah_sensei The weekend got rough after about 2pm Saturday when my husband found out his grandmother passed away during her afternoon nap in Turkey. The funeral is today (which is their tradition) so there is no way he can go to the funeral (tickets to get him there for Monday were in the $3,000's anyhow so I gotta say, I'm glad he didn't insist on trying).
Saturday felt long and full of dread as he made calls to some of his extended family and others called offering their condolences. To make matters worse/more complicated his uncle was on a plane yesterday afternoon flying from Turkey to Chicago to see his cousin in the US. His uncle was supposed to stay here 6 months, and this was his mother. So, we spent the next 4 hours waiting for his plane to land so that my husband could accept the phone call from his uncle to talk to him about her passing. Meanwhile, my husband's cousin was calling us back and forth crying hysterically. Originally, she said she didn't think she could tell her dad what happened and wanted my husband to do it, but she changed her mind and decided to tell him before they called us back. (I was thankful for that). All day my husband was saying that if his uncle wanted to fly back, he wanted to help him if he needed a credit card xx; I was crossing my fingers that his uncle would refuse or decide to stay. I must admit I was somewhat relieved when his uncle said that he'd miss the funeral anyway so there was no point in rushing back.
Meanwhile, my husband works weekends so he called in and told his boss what was going on. He soon decided that he really wanted to fly to Pittsburgh to be with his sister, cousin and uncle. He found some tickets (which were still in the $400-500 range but I wasn't going to argue with him about it especially since he didn't go nuts and buy the $3,000 tickets to Turkey!) The only problem is he'd be missing most of his work week. So, he called his boss back and asked him if he could have off. Some places don't extend bereavement benefits to grandparents and although I was listening in to the conversation I couldn't make out if they were or weren't for his company. My husband wasn't too worried about that though, he just wanted to be with his family even if it meant leave without pay. His boss then went on about book keeping and logistics and my husband was trying not to lose patience with him. All he wanted was a "yes, you may have off," or "no, we really can't live without you." 9_9 He finally got off the phone with him, we still don't know if he's going to be paid or not, but he offered to work 8 days straight when he comes back so I'm thinking not, maybe, I don't know?
So, he left this morning at 5am to go to Atlanta to get a plane to Pittsburgh. He'll be there until Tuesday evening. I did not sleep well last night, especially after he left. Not only was I worried about him, but the cat kept bugging me :p Because she kept waking me up in the middle of somewhat deeper sleep, I woke up almost every time with a case of sleep paralysis and hallucinations xx; That happened at least twice that I can recall and although I know what sleep paralysis is, and how it works, and I've lived with it long enough to know in my head that what I see isn't real, it still freaks me out every time. xx;
So, I'm a little sleep deprived and I feel like I've done nothing this weekend --;
My husband kept telling me how guilty he felt because he said he didn't "feel anything." He cried almost every time he was on the phone with people though, so I don't know how he can say he didn't feel anything. I tried to comfort him telling him that he was still in shock and it'll all come out later. Honestly, when my aunt Maria died a year and a half ago, in Nov., the full emotion of it didn't hit me until over a month later on New Year's Eve at midnight :p
Right now my biggest fears are: 1) can his family be civil during this time? -- his mother and her brother are feuding, so I hope the two of them have enough sense not to start any crap right now because his grandfather is hurting, and 2) how soon will it be before his grandfather follows?
The "bright side" of all this is that she died peacefully in her sleep, at home, safe. She had been suffering from Alzheimer's the last year or so, and it was getting much worse. I'm just glad she didn't wander away and get lost or hurt somehow. She wasn't particularly sick, so the hardest part of this was that it was sudden. But, when you are 86 years old, can you really say it wasn't "expected?"
Saturday felt long and full of dread as he made calls to some of his extended family and others called offering their condolences. To make matters worse/more complicated his uncle was on a plane yesterday afternoon flying from Turkey to Chicago to see his cousin in the US. His uncle was supposed to stay here 6 months, and this was his mother. So, we spent the next 4 hours waiting for his plane to land so that my husband could accept the phone call from his uncle to talk to him about her passing. Meanwhile, my husband's cousin was calling us back and forth crying hysterically. Originally, she said she didn't think she could tell her dad what happened and wanted my husband to do it, but she changed her mind and decided to tell him before they called us back. (I was thankful for that). All day my husband was saying that if his uncle wanted to fly back, he wanted to help him if he needed a credit card xx; I was crossing my fingers that his uncle would refuse or decide to stay. I must admit I was somewhat relieved when his uncle said that he'd miss the funeral anyway so there was no point in rushing back.
Meanwhile, my husband works weekends so he called in and told his boss what was going on. He soon decided that he really wanted to fly to Pittsburgh to be with his sister, cousin and uncle. He found some tickets (which were still in the $400-500 range but I wasn't going to argue with him about it especially since he didn't go nuts and buy the $3,000 tickets to Turkey!) The only problem is he'd be missing most of his work week. So, he called his boss back and asked him if he could have off. Some places don't extend bereavement benefits to grandparents and although I was listening in to the conversation I couldn't make out if they were or weren't for his company. My husband wasn't too worried about that though, he just wanted to be with his family even if it meant leave without pay. His boss then went on about book keeping and logistics and my husband was trying not to lose patience with him. All he wanted was a "yes, you may have off," or "no, we really can't live without you." 9_9 He finally got off the phone with him, we still don't know if he's going to be paid or not, but he offered to work 8 days straight when he comes back so I'm thinking not, maybe, I don't know?
So, he left this morning at 5am to go to Atlanta to get a plane to Pittsburgh. He'll be there until Tuesday evening. I did not sleep well last night, especially after he left. Not only was I worried about him, but the cat kept bugging me :p Because she kept waking me up in the middle of somewhat deeper sleep, I woke up almost every time with a case of sleep paralysis and hallucinations xx; That happened at least twice that I can recall and although I know what sleep paralysis is, and how it works, and I've lived with it long enough to know in my head that what I see isn't real, it still freaks me out every time. xx;
So, I'm a little sleep deprived and I feel like I've done nothing this weekend --;
My husband kept telling me how guilty he felt because he said he didn't "feel anything." He cried almost every time he was on the phone with people though, so I don't know how he can say he didn't feel anything. I tried to comfort him telling him that he was still in shock and it'll all come out later. Honestly, when my aunt Maria died a year and a half ago, in Nov., the full emotion of it didn't hit me until over a month later on New Year's Eve at midnight :p
Right now my biggest fears are: 1) can his family be civil during this time? -- his mother and her brother are feuding, so I hope the two of them have enough sense not to start any crap right now because his grandfather is hurting, and 2) how soon will it be before his grandfather follows?
The "bright side" of all this is that she died peacefully in her sleep, at home, safe. She had been suffering from Alzheimer's the last year or so, and it was getting much worse. I'm just glad she didn't wander away and get lost or hurt somehow. She wasn't particularly sick, so the hardest part of this was that it was sudden. But, when you are 86 years old, can you really say it wasn't "expected?"
